CF: Good and Bad: The Trade-off.
I noticed tonight while shoe shopping that it is really hard for me to shoe shop. My feet are a size four, which ladies sizes start at a 5. Shopping in the kids section means there are no heels and all the flats have tons of glitter and bows, not to mention tennis shoes are themed with cartoon characters like Dora the Explorer. So, I tape up heels on the backs, take them to the shoe repair shop and pay to have them made smaller if possible. I also stuff toes with kleenex and try to find heels with straps that buckles around the ankle to make sure they stay on. My right foot is smaller than my left due to my Cerebral Palsy. I'm very fortunate my CP doesn't affect me too much. My right hand is somewhat "clumsy." For exaple, I can't tie knots very well. And lately, my right eye has been starting to wonder off to the right.. But overall, not too many problems.
My CF obviously effects me a million ways medically and time wise I do lots for it. But it is the simpler things that bother me. I'd do ten more therpies a day if I knew it would mean I could hold out the longer notes in choir/musicals. I hate knowing I will be the one cutting off too soon or sneaking in a breath. Myvoice and I have a hate/love relationship. I love that I have weird voice. It is technically deeper and kinda breathy, but I'm soo bubbly and cheerful it comes off more higher pitched. But people always comment on it. I like having the CF voice when it comes to talking, but hate it when I'm singing. When I'm on Tobi or some other meds, it messes with my singing voice. My range is gone and my high notes non-existant. I love acting and dancing sooo much, but with my lack of consistency in singing I hardly ever audition for leads in musicals (especially if songs are higher). I prefer the comical side kick when in shows with singing.
Seems silly, but out of everything, the surgeries, the hospital visits, etc, the things that upset me most are my singing voice, right side being affected by CP, and shoes/swimming suits. These may seem silly, but It's the truth.
Here is why those small problems are nothing when I look at what I have gained:
I have a very high pain tolerance. I can pretty much do any medical procedure to myself. This might be weird, but I'm proud of that. I like the fact I can stay calm and focused enough to put a G-tube down my own nose. I could give myself an IV or take my own blood. I don't get grossed out ever, I have watched them take a hook up inside my vein from my thigh to near my heart before. I think this medical background I have helped to inspire my love for science and understanding how things work. This is why I love Geology and Psychology, both were undergrad degrees where I could really analyze data, etc.
I'm a very good multi-tasker and am extremely goal oriented. I hate quitting or giving up, my CF has made me a fighter. Plus, look at all the life experiences I have had. Meeting patients with all types of problems, meeting volunteers, doctors, having procedures done, and I had a dream granted for me when I was 10 (by the Central Illinois Dream Factory: find out more about them Facebook Group for CIDF. I'm pretty sure I can handle anything life throws at me thanks to my CF.
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