It's challenging to foster, it's not a challenge to love the kids
Andrew and I began fostering in August of 2017. We have had two cases and 4 kiddos live with us during the last 1.5 years. Jumping into fostering 3 kids at once, was a lot. You become an instant parent. READY or NOT!
Prepping? It's hard to know what you will need. An expecting mother has nine months to plan. She knows the age (and sometimes gender) of her child. Now as a Foster Parent you can set limits. For example: you can state you want only 1 kid at a time, over age 10 or under age 5. It depends what works for your life. Then plan the best you can for those specifics. We decided no more than 2-3 kids, but our range of ages is 2-12 years old (for now). So we started out by setting up a crib and bunk bed (that comes apart). We painted the rooms neutral, added fun curtains. We bought duffel bags, some kid friendly games, some night lights, and tolietries. We waited until we knew who was coming to live with us before buying any clothes, toys, room decor etc. Luckily, we had video games, barbies, lots of toys already (from previous years of babysitting/nanny jobs).
When your kid(s) first arrive except the unexpected. They could be distant and unattached, or could say "Hi Mom" that first moment they meet you. We have experienced both. They could come with clothes, or clothes that don't fit, or nothing but what they are wearing. You have no idea what their academic, emotional, and life skills will be like or what they need. You will learn quickly though. Find a Support group, locally or online, it truly helps to ask questions.
At first, I didn't think I'd ever be able to say no to a placement (what they call when kids are "placed" with you). I think the word "placement" sounds impersonal. Having kids live with you and become part of your family IS personal. We are not replacing the kids parents, we are there to provide a safe, loving, nurturing, and happy home for them until the future is resolved. Typically, if all goes smoothly kids return to their biological parents. If for any reason they do not, the kids typically are able to be adopted. Just because you are a Foster Parent you do not have to adopt, but as the kid's current Foster Parent you typically get first choice (after bio-family). There is no judgement either way. If you say No, don't feel guilty. Someone once told me after saying "No" to taking in another foster child currently, 'that my "no" becomes someone else's "YES.'"
We currently only have one foster child living with us and because of their extensive needs, I don't want to spread myself too thin. I want to be able to focus on their needs and help them the MOST I can. I can't say anything specific, but I feel fortunate to be part of their life.
We could always decide to take in more kiddos in the future depending on our situation. But, in the meantime, we are providing a lot of Respite. Respite is providing a home for a foster kid for a few days to a week, a time away from their current foster parents. It gives the Foster Parents a break. We needed Respite (one night) once when we had three kids, I appreciated being able to have it. Our current foster child LOVES having friends come stay temporarily, but it is a short enough time, they don't grow too attached. It seems a good middle ground for now.
We plan to foster for a long time and have learned quite a lot. We are currently working on our Continuing Education (yes, after licensing classes, you need to keep up with classes every year to renew your licenses every 4 years). Hard to believe we have been on this challenging, loving, and amazing roller coaster ride for 2 years this August!
Feel free to reach out with any questions! I'd love to talk to you about Fostering!
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