Finding ME TIME can be hard, even feel selfish. But, I have learned a lot. It's a bit of a story, let me start back at February 5th...
February 5th, it was a cold, dark, stormy night. OOPS! Nevermind. This isn't a murder mystery. Feb 5th: I had Cystic Fibrosis Clinic, my first appointment of the year. Which means mental health screening. Like my usual- I score zero signs of depression and very high on anxiety. This is an accurate description, I have always been fast paced, over thinking, high level control needed, and high anxiety.
My anxiety comes from feeling rushed, having too much to do and feeling I'm not accomplishing enough. This is largely thanks to time my medication and CF takes up every single day. I have trouble saying "No" and take on lots of projects at the same time. Right now, I have a career, I'm a fosterparent, have many medical treatments a day, volunteer on 6+ boards and committees for the CFF National Office, and I'm currently organizing multiple local CF events. I also, volunteer in my church and with some other organizations. I feel like my anxiety or being " overwhelmed" has been part of my life for so long, it's has become my norm.
I have scored high on anxiety screenings for the last 3 years! THREE YEARS! But, I never did anything about it. I just thought "That's me, crazy, over energetic, taking on too much Cheriz." I never felt panicked and it doesn't affect my ability to work, sleep, or be productive . So I just always shrugged it off. No big deal, right?
Well, my CF Clinic Social Worker and I talked it over. She suggested I meet with an advisor or counseling service, to figure out what is important. My first counselor session was March 5th. Overall, it was fine. I really like the counselor and we talked about a lot of the basics of my life. The following week I felt even better afterwards. I think having someone other than my mom and Andrew to "unload" all my thoughts on has helped in lots of way. For once, it makes my relationship with Andrew more pleasant. I still share what I need to with him, but it gives me a new outlet. Allowing Andrew and I more time to enjoy spending time with our kiddo or playing board games... rather than me always wanting to "talk" about everything that I'm freaking out about. I am going weekly to start, so she can get to know me better ( I have a lot of background: CF, Fostering, Volunteering, Large Family, etc).
But, why just get by, why not try to make it better? Why did I wait so long. Don't wait. I have decided to really focus on this area. I want more time doing things I love. Playing with our kid(s), trips to the zoo, reading a book. I want ENJOY life, not "survive" it. I'm not saying I don't enjoy my life. I LOVE my LIFE, but I want to make it the BEST possible. Where to begin?
This month I also started something NEW! I signed up for "CF Yogi's classes" (CF Yogi is online Yoga for CF patients, check out her FB page here). Yoga is new for me and I still think I'm horrible at it due lack of strength, breath support, and lack of flexibility... thanks to my Cerebral Palsy. BUT, that's not what it is about and I'm enjoying it so far. Getting more comfortable doing Yoga every class. I'm hoping to join an in-person class that a friend locally teaches, once I'm feeling better!
I'm trying to spend my treatment time as ME TIME as well. So intstead surfing the social media pages, doing work emails during treatments, I will listen to a podcast, watch a TV show, read a book, etc. Any book or podcast suggestions?
I think having CF takes up so much time, I forget to make time for myself. Also, being a parent (foster parent), parents tend to focus only on kids and sacrifice new clothes, items of want/need, and such for them. I get that. But, why not make some time while my kiddo is asleep or at school for myself and do something I enjoy. Go for a walk even!?. Mental and Emotional Health is IMPORTANT! If you need help ask for it.
If you have CF, you clinic's social worker is a great resource, or call compass and they can help you find the support you need. Don't wait THREE YEARS like I did, take control, and ENJOY your life to the maximum. Make it Count!
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Do you keep a journal when you are feeling anxious. I know that is one thing that is recommended along with deep breathing exercises and meditation. There are bible verses that you can meditate on that will help with anxiety. Plus meditation has numerous health benefits. I don't know any podcasts. Or at least any that I have listened to enough to recommend. But I can recommend Debbie McDaniel's blog Fresh Day Ahead also has website www. Debbie McDaniel's.com. For book to read and movie to definitely watch. "The Hate You Give" is a must read. And movie one of the best
ReplyDeleteHi Doug! Thanks for all the info! I will look int the book, blog, movie! Sounds great- thank!!! As far as journaling. Honestly, I don't. I have to journal enough with fostering related stuff, that the free time I have I'd rather spend it playing games with my little ones or watching a show with Andrew. However, I do blog. It is similar for me as a jounral would be. I do write some posts ahead based on thoughts at the certain time, then come back finish and post them later. My anxiety has not affected my ability to work, sleep, or function- while I'm not minimizing my anxiety, it is real. I don't feel the need for medication, but that could always change in the future. Right now, I just needed an outside ear to "unload on" so I don't put those emotions on my family- even though I tell them everything anyways. I think it has really helped and I'm starting to do some yoga classes here & there when my schedule allows. Which are meditation activities and I enjoy a lot. So great advice Doug! Hope you are well!
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