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Would 20 big Macs help?

Big Macs huh?

I've had a couple customers at work mention things like " you're so skinny, you probably could eat anything. and still look that way."  Which I always just respond " yep, I guess I'm lucky"

But I always think... Lucky.. lucky. yep I'm lucky I'm struggling to stay above 90 lbs right now. I have a stomach tube in me, have had it for 12 years and will have it for the rest of my life. I'm supposed to eat at least 4,000 calories a day. But I also have to fit in exercise to keep my lungs active, plus make up for all the calories that I burn. I get easily tired and if my weight drops suddenly it usually means I'm sick again.

But since I'm skinny, yep I guess I'm lucky (rolls eyes). I hate telling people that I'm lucky. I'm not lucky when it comes to weight. Here are some phrases I hear that drive me nuts:


- I'm lucky cuz I can't gain weight
- you need to eat to put some meat on those bones...
    (excuse me I probably could out- eat you!)
- well if you ate like me....
-Just eat Big Macs, or McDs (just because I want to gain weight doesn't mean I want to eat a bunch of food with no nutritional value)
-Go out to eat more (are you going to pay for it?)
-eat chips and be a couch potato (while my muscles, strength, and lungs decline....um, no...)

I'm not lucky in that aspect at all. It is very hard to gain weight, when it seems I can lose 5 lbs just during one shift at work. I know weight lifting will help, but for right now I'm just working, doing meds, eating, and walking. Its all I have time for and can deal with at the moment.

Weight is what I'm struggling the most with right now. However, I'm struggling getting all my meds in too. I work at the restaurant during lunch then have a break and go into to work at the video store and work til close (11:30 ish) some nights. Those are the days I really struggle. BUT I am lucky in some ways.

I'm lucky:
-that my friends understand if I need to do meds while we hang out
-If I can't hang out do to meds or CF stuff
-that my family and friends help me when they can
-that I have a Boyfriend that understands, even gets my meds ready or will have dinner made for me when I get home from work.
-that even with all my medical problems I'm still able to work
-that my manager/ co-workers help me out & understand

I seriously can't complain about my life at all. But the weight problem is annoying. I can't wait for my stomach feeding pump to arrive, a month without it...is crazy. My clinic is on Monday, I hope I can get my weight to 93 lbs at least for it. Hopefully! :-)
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